REST. Just saying the word brings peace and freedom. What I need in this season right now is simply to rest. To rest in Him. To still set goals and have dreams and be determined, but ultimately to REST in knowing that God is with me every step of the way.
Happy New Year friends!
Man, it feels like it has been forever since I last hit “publish” on a post. How was your Christmas? My husband had two weeks off of work this year, and it was so nice. We honestly just hung out as a family, played with the kids’ new toys, rented some movies and took time to rest and relax.
It was much needed after a busy holiday season, and after spending so much time with my husband I felt like I fell In love with him all over again. I truly don’t deserve him. And while I was sad that he had to go back to work this past Monday, I was also ready to get back to a normal schedule and get some work done myself.
I took down all my Christmas decor this week and cleaned the house, and I have slowly been putting the house back together and starting to organize. The older I get, the more I want to simplify. It always feels so good to purge and declutter…do you feel the same?
As I was reflecting over this past year, I couldn’t help but feel as though most of it was a blur. We had our third baby boy in May, and the start of 2018 was all about NESTING. Preparing for baby. Cleaning everything. Organizing EVERYthing. Finishing ALL the projects.
The day I went into labor I was deep cleaning my basement…it was the last room on my ‘list’. The dreaded list. Everything HAD to be checked off my list before baby. And boy was I determined. I didn’t post a whole lot here on the blog or on social media. Only one thing mattered, and I wasn’t going to stop until that one thing (the list) felt complete.
Drive and determination are great attributes to have, but what I’ve come to realize about myself is that once I have my sights set on one particular thing (like being a more patient mom, or a better housewife, or a more successful blogger, or a more effective Sunday school teacher), other areas seem to suffer.
In other words, I can’t do it all. I can try my very best in all of these areas, but I’m never going to be perfect. And as much as I like to go on social media and believe the lie that other moms can do it all, the fact is that they can’t either. No one can.
I spent way too much time in 2018 crying because I simply could not complete whatever it was that day that I had my heart set on completing. Maybe it was writing a blog post, or cleaning the house, or finishing a project. And because the baby wasn’t napping well, or the kids got sick, or whatever it was that forced me to stop doing what I wanted to do at the time, I became a flustered, upset mom that felt like a failure.
I went on date nights with my husband and cried in the car. “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do it like her? What am I doing wrong?”
At the start of this year, I chose the word “consistent.”
Consistency – THAT’S what I need! I just need to be more disciplined. THEN I’ll do better. THEN I’ll get more done.
But I didn’t have a peace in my heart about it. I knew deep down that I was setting myself up for failure again.
Why would I choose a word that completely contradicts the season of life that I’m in right now? Babies are quite literally the opposite of consistent. They have good days, but sometimes they have bad days. Sometimes they don’t nap well. Sometimes they are needy. Sometimes they get sick and you need to throw your plans out the window and just hold them. All day long.
I came across this verse and I could feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart.
“…in returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15
Just saying the word brings peace and freedom. What I need in this season right now is simply to rest. To rest in Him. To still set goals and have dreams and be determined, but ultimately to REST in knowing that God is with me every step of the way.
And when I do my very best but I still come up short, I can rest in the fact that God sees and He knows. He knows what my day was like. He knows the baby wasn’t napping well. He knows that my toddler needed extra attention that day. He was there all along.
I can rest in knowing that I’m not alone. He promises to be with me, to go before me, to hold me in the palm of His hand. God has already moved little mountains in my life this week when I felt frustrated or overwhelmed. I can stop, and breath, and hear His still, small voice. Rest in Me.
Fellow momma, rest in Him. Don’t beat yourself up when your dreams and plans have to be put on hold because of the season you are in. It is so short, and one day we will look back with tears and give anything to be holding our babies again.
I know it’s so hard, but trust in Him. Give Him your goals and desires and aspirations. Place them in His hands. Try your very best, but rest in knowing that He is sees what no one else does. He is there at 2 am when your little one wakes up again. He knows how tired you are, He knows how hard you’re trying. Just rest in that.
Did you choose a word for 2019? I’d love to hear in the comments below! 🙂